Excerpt

Those of you who know me well know I enjoy to write, and that certainly hasn't changed in the past few months. I've been steadily working on a writing project that I have a very good feeling about, and yes, I actually have started to write it. However, I've realized that it is very hard to keep myself going, and when I thought on this I realized the reason why.
I tend to write better when I have people griping at me that I need to write more.
Strange, yes, but that has lead to today's post. I'm looking for some people to either egg me on or tell me to quit while I'm ahead, so below I have posted an excerpt from what I have written already. I'd really appreciate some feedback on it; constructive criticism is most definitely wanted. I always want to better myself as a writer, and I am looking for the motivation to continue. So please, if you do read it, send me an email, Facebook me, or post in the comments your thoughts on it. And thanks for your time. :)


Excerpt:

“I don’t understand why I can’t go too, Erik! It isn’t fair!” The raven-haired girl’s fists were clenched tightly together, her face twisted in obvious fury. “We were supposed to join the army together!”

“I know, Alex.” Erik reached out and took her hand to calm her. “I know we were supposed to, but you know they’re not going to let you join. You’re a woman, and the rules aren’t going to change any time soon. I…I had thought they would, but I was naïve.”

“Forget the rules! I can disguise myself as a boy or something.” Alex continued to protest, not to be satiated by Erik’s affection. “I can pass it off, Erik, we just need a plan and a way to get past the security and we’ll be in the clear…”

“Stop, Alex.” Erik’s voice was stern, and Alex fell silent immediately. He sighed, looking her in the eyes before speaking again. “You need to stop and think. The technology’s too advanced for you to hide your gender from security. You’re just going to have to stay and wait for things to change in the near future.”

“But…things aren’t going to change. Things have never changed.” Alex reached up with her free hand to wipe a stray tear out of her eye. “You’re the only one who’s going to get to go, and you’re going to leave me behind…”

“No!” Erik protested loudly, stepping closer to Alex. “I’m not leaving you behind, Alex. You didn’t let me finish my thought!”

“You said it yourself. I just have to wait for things to change, and that’s not going to happen.” Alex looked back up at him, her eyes now red and blotchy from her tears. “It’s never going to happen.”

“Yes it is.” Erik argued. “Because I’m going to make it happen.”

Alex froze, letting Erik’s words process in her head. She didn’t understand, it wasn’t possible. Erik wasn’t important enough to change the way the world worked. It was impossible, completely impossible. “You can’t do it…”

“I can and I will.” Erik insisted. “I’m going to get promoted to a high enough level, then I’ll use my influence to change the way things are run. Just you wait and see, Alex. I’m going to change the world. I’m going to make the world better, I promise.”

“You…you promise?” Alex’s voice was shaky. Erik nodded, then pulled Alex into a tight hug.

“I promise, Alex. Your big brother’s going to fix everything. Your big brother’s going to change the world.”

-

Change the world…

But you didn’t, did you?

The world is still the same stupid place it’s always been.

And nothing’s going to change.

-

She opened her eyes, feeling the sting of fresh air hitting her lungs and waking her from her stasis induced stupor. Even though the place was dark, there was enough light coming from the entrance a ways off to make her eyes burn a bit. She coughed, and noted that her throat was extremely sore. In any other case, she would have blamed the stasis gas. However, the memories came back to her, reminding her what had really happened.

The door to her stasis chamber opened, the remaining gas leaking out with a hiss. She took another deep breath, letting the feeling come back into her limbs. Thankfully, the chamber had done its job. Other than feeling hungry and having a very sore throat, she felt as though she had only closed her eyes for a few seconds. Her body was as alert and ready as it had been before she had been dragged into here.

There was a computer nearby. She willed her legs to move, taking firm steps towards the computer. Good. She could walk. And her eyes were adjusted now, so she could see the computer screen clearly. There was a date in the upper right corner. Every computer had the feature. She looked at the year, doing a quick calculation.

Thirty years. She had been in the stasis chamber thirty years. She had been asleep for thirty years.

But most importantly, she was alive.